Dipper and the Real Game
by Wunder-Katze
Summary: Dipper is a good brother. So, when Mabel asks for help regarding her laptop, he's willing to assist. But Dipper has no idea what sort of trouble he's getting into. With Soos, Wendy, and Stan in the mix, hilarity is sure to ensue. Cameo by Bill Cipher, you ask? We'll see...we'll see... The game is afoot in Gravity Falls!
1. Chapter 1

Mabel screamed.

_ But let's face it, when doesn't Mabel scream? _thought Dipper.

She screamed with delight when she saw squirrels. She screamed with fear at burnt toast. She screamed for no reason to drown silence.

Dipper calmly continued his bedtime routine, squirting blue, sparkly toothpaste onto his toothbrush. He began scrubbing away at his enamel, and humming disco girl, when Mabel entered the bathroom without knocking. Dipper rolled his eyes. This is why he never took his pants off without first locking the door.

"What is it, Mabel?" he mumbled around his bristly toothbrush.

She didn't answer, but dragged Dipper to their attic room. The lights were off and her laptop open. Its dimly glowing screen gave off an eerie luminescence.

Dipper wanted to gulp nervously, but didn't want to swallow a mouthful of mint flavored foam. So he just swished the foam around in his mouth. Nervously.

"Couldn't you have at least let me spit and rinse first?" Dipper asked through the foam.

Either Mabel didn't hear, or the foam garbled the message beyond recognition.

Mabel grabbed Dipper, pushing him in front of her like a shield…or a sacrifice.

"I can't do it, bro-bro. You gotta do it for me," she whispered.

Dipper walked to the laptop with trepidation. There it was, propped open on her bed. He was half expecting a countdown to the apocalypse or something mystical you'd only see in Gravity Falls. Maybe her email had been hacked by the gnomes.

_Really?_ thought Dipper. _Apocalypse timer? Who'd put something stupid like that on the internet? And surely Mabel wouldn't be gullible enough to believe everything she sees online…_

He looked at his sister, who was hyperventilating, and took back his last thought. He sighed.

He let his gaze fall upon the accursed laptop. Upon surveying the contents of the screen he saw that it was…

**Author here! (But not THE author, if you take my meaning, haha) Thanks for reading! Tune in next time to find out what has Mabel so scared! When should I try to update? Once a week-ish? I'm new to this...so...yup! Review if you want! Give me suggestions! I have the next few chapters planned out, but that doesn't mean I can't edit them ;) **

**I'm also a Sherlock fan (canon, Jeremy Brett, Cumberbatch, and the Mary Russell series) so...if you want me to try my hand at something like that...let me know :) **

**I've got some tests and projects coming up in the next two weeks, but summer is getting close! So I can definitely start planning some fics if I get requests.**

**Have a great day everyone! And thanks again for reading! I really appreciate it~ :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Author, here! Here's chapter 2 early, because I will be without my own computer for a week. It's broken. :( Anyway, suggestions for the story are welcome, and so are reviews! ;) Now, go find out what's on Mabel's laptop! :D (Note: even if you aren't familiar with what it turns out to be, please keep reading! I'll explain it, and I think it will still be funny :))**

Dipper let his gaze fall upon the accursed laptop. Upon surveying the contents of the screen he saw that it was…a Nancy Drew game?

Dipper erupted in laughter.

"Ew! Bro-bro, you spit sparkly toothpaste gunk on my keyboard!" Mabel exclaimed.

She _did _ like the sparkles though.

"_This_ is what you screamed about?" asked Dipper, clearly, now that his mouth was empty. "Oh, Mabel, for a moment I thought this was something serious."

"It is serious!" she replied, her eyes widening. "So. Serious."

"It's a point and click action-adventure-mystery game," chuckled Dipper. He had meant to make it sound lame, but, he thought with chagrin, had made it sound pretty doggone cool.

"You'll be scared when the ghost pops out at _you_," Mabel said confidently, crossing her arms. The gesture made the cat face on her sweater crumple so, it too, looked defiant.

"_Me?_" blurted Dipper. "_I_ don't play girl games! What makes you think I do? I don't. I would never –" he stammered.

"It's going to jump out at you because you are going to click the mouse for me," Mabel said, shoving Dipper toward the computer.

"Wait– you mean you screamed but nothing popped out at you yet?" Dipper was incredulous.

"I know it will when I go into the next room! I can feel it! Just listen to the creepy music in the background! Woooooooooo!" Mabel moaned.

_How could someone so happy even be scared of this game? _Dipper wondered. _Ah, _it came to him, _she doesn't have caterpillars on her face. Everyone knows it is impossible to be scared with caterpillars on your face. Unless you have caterpillarphobia. Then you might be scared. And that would be really bad._

He continued to reason.

One: the music was always creepy. Two: if she knew it was going to pop out, why be afraid? Three: hadn't they seen enough real ghosts for this to seem…farcical? Was Mabel trying to make him play a girl's game so she could tease him about it? Snap a picture of him and send it to Candy, Grenda, and…Wendy?

Dipper fortified himself with resolve. He didn't see any hidden cameras around the room. And he was nothing if not a soft-hearted brother.

He clicked the mouse.

**To be continued...**


	3. Chapter 3

He clicked the mouse.

It opened a creaky old door in the game, and Dipper, as first-person Nancy Drew, stepped into the room. A Victorian era four poster bed was made up as if for a guest –save that it was covered in cobwebs. A fire place mantle had several clocks, all long stopped. The paint-chipped dresser contained old letters of yesteryear, and a forgotten jewelry box. It was all extremely realistic for being made of pixels, and Dipper shuddered at the memory of Rumble McSkirmish and Giffany.

But nothing was transported out of the laptop. All was right with Nancy Drew. But one thing _was_ missing from the picturesque scene.

"See? No ghost," Dipper said confidently, with only a hint of superiority.

Mabel squinted at the screen, wondering if perhaps, it was a very, very, tiny ghost. In which case it would be _adorable._ But there was not a ghost, tiny or otherwise. She scratched her chin, and, enclosing her eyes with her fingers, put on her skepticals.

"I'm sure it should have popped out at me by now…this is the ghost's old room!" she took off her skepticals in order to flail her arms in exasperation.

"Well, you know," Dipper shrugged helplessly, "ghosts are temperamental, and games can have glitches…"

"_This. is. the. ghost's. room!" _Mabel screamed. "There is only one explanation for its absence."

"Actually, there are several, and I already listed two–"

"_The ghost has been kidnapped!_"

Dipper shuffled back to the bathroom to rinse his mouth. He wasn't about to tell Mabel he had played a few minutes on her file and that the ghost had popped out…at _him._

But now he was hooked. He had to find out who was behind the haunting of Thornton Hall!

The next morning Mabel brought her laptop down to breakfast. While she shoveled bites of Stan-cakes into her mouth, she also clicked the mouse to navigate Nancy Drew through the mysterious, broken down manor.

"A _puzzle!_" she screeched. "This calls for my thinking sweater!" she sang out.

She scurried upstairs to change into her light bulb sweater that actually lit up. Dipper leaned over, inconspicuously reaching for the outdated bottle of syrup, and glanced at Mabel's laptop.

His fingers itched. Sparks went off in his mind. He could solve this in thirty seconds flat. If you just moved the red tile to replace the yellow one, and rotated the blue tile to fit by the purple…

Dipper jerked away as he heard Mabel's cheerful steps descending the stairs. He took a big bite of Stan-cakes and grimaced. He added some of the outdated syrup he had reached for. It didn't help.

Mabel turned her light bulb sweater on, momentarily blinding Dipper, as Grunkle Stan turned from the stove with another stack of Stan-cakes.

"Ugh! Turn that off, Mabel! It's too early for sunshine," he shuddered. _Sunshine._

"Oh, Grunkle Stan," chided Mabel, "sunshine is for anytime and _all_ the time!"

She got up to draw back the dusty curtains, but Stan picked her up and plopped her back into her seat.

As he dished up the latest batch of Stan-cakes, he observed Mabel's laptop.

"Can't you shut up that idiot box?" he grumbled, as a dialogue had begun.

"I have to hear Nancy talk to the suspects," Mabel explained enthusiastically.

"The words are on the screen," pointed out Stan.

"It's not enough to see the words – you have to hear the inflection…and…and _tone_," Mabel said. It was her best serious person impression. It sounded like a depressed llama. (Everyone knows llamas are never depressed.)

"It sounds stupid," muttered Grunkle Stan. "But then, what do you expect from a girl's game?" he laughed, elbowing his nephew. "Am I right? Men like us need something more macho, like Super Fabio Bros!"

"Mario, Grunkle," Dipper corrected with a sad laugh.

It was official. What Dipper knew in his heart had been given voice. Nancy Drew was for _girls_. And only girls.

But that stellar plot line…those scrumptious puzzles…it would be his secret addiction.

It needed to be fed.

**Hope you are enjoying the story! Have suggestions? Ideas? Comments? Feel free to review! :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey readers! Here's the next chapter, hope you like it. :-)**

This addiction needed to be fed.

If he could just _borrow_ the CD from Mabel's laptop and download the game on his computer he could play quietly by himself when no one else was around. He would return the CD after the download. (Mabel was under the impression you needed the CD in at all times, but Dipper, who was a geek, knew you did not. But it made Mabel freak to take it out in the middle of a game. It was worse luck than a two leafed clover, she said.)

As easy as all this sounded, there was a proverbial fly in the proverbial ointment. Mabel hadn't set down her laptop since she had gotten the game; and if she finished before Dipper she would spoil the end by screaming the name of the villain.

Dipper needed a distraction.

Who could help rig something? Who was innovative and handy? Who could create a diversion so...so diverting so as to distract her for an entire thirty minutes of download time?

One answer burst through the clouds like a ray of sunshine: Soos.

Mabel was right, sunshine was for anytime. Inspirational sunshine, that is.

` "Soos, I need your help," said a frantic Dipper.

"Sure, dude, whatcha need?" asked Soos, who was fixing the 'cornicorn' display Waddles had eaten.

"I need to distract Mabel. No questions asked," Dipper said. Looking over his shoulder he shoved a cold can of Pitt soda into Soos' hand.

"Dude, is this from Stan's private stock of do-not-touch-or-die-limited-edition-fizzy-belchy-lemon-squeezy-flavored Pitt soda?" Soos asked in wonder. His eyes had nearly as many highlights as Giffany's.

"No questions asked," Dipper reminded, narrowing his eyes. "Do you accept the job?"

"Dude, I'd do anything for a can of Pitt! And I'd do more for a can of limited-edition-fizzy-belchy-lemon-squeezy-flavored Pitt!" Soos then became serious. "Agent Soos reporting for Mission Distract Mabel," Soos saluted.

Dipper smiled. Ah, Soos was indeed the ideal minion.

Soos took two giant, determined, espionage filled steps. Then he stopped, popped the tab on the can of limited-edition-fizzy-belchy-lemon-squeezy-flavored Pitt, and chugged the whole thing.

"Oh, dude," he said. "I think I just gave myself brain freeze. This feels amazing!"

Dipper watched as an enlightened Soos toddled off to complete the mission. He thought absently that he should start wearing his Pterodactyl Bros. t-shirt more often. Soos had drawn some pretty great caricatures of them. Perhaps not as good as Mabel's cat-icatures, but…_focus Dipper._

He breathed.

He had to be ready to pounce on that laptop and eject the disc as soon as Soos distracted Mabel.

"Haaaaambone!" he heard Soos call out.

Mabel's reply was muffled which meant she wasn't paying attention to Soos but probably the laptop.

"Hambone, do you want to bedazzle me? I have a videochat date with Melody tonight," Soos asked like he was a second rate thespian actor reading a terrible script.

There a came a squeal of delight. Second rate or not, Mabel had bought the show.

_Haha!_ Thought Dipper. _Good work, Soos!_

He stalked silently to the kitchen.

Now, Grunkle Stan is notoriously untidy in the kitchen. So, when Dipper saw the dishes from the Stan-cakes in the sink, he thought he was safe from interruption.

But he was wrong.

Dipper pushed the eject button. The CD slid out and gleamed up at him.

_Nancy Drew: The Ghost of Thornton Hall_

He held it in his hands, tilting it in dramatic slow motion so it would shimmer like in the movies.

He didn't notice the footsteps behind him.

"Man, what's up with Stan?" asked Wendy.

Dipper whirled around to face the gorgeous redhead.

**What's gonna happen next? Well, you better STAY TUNED. Ideas? Comments? Review! :-) Thanks!**


	5. Chapter 5

**_Hi, everyone! Omigosh, sorry it's taken me soooo long to get this chapter up! I hope you enjoy it -I have some ideas for the next one already *cough*bill*cough* so, hopefully the wait won't be nearly as long! Thank you soooo much for the reviews and favourites and follows! They make me so happy! :D Love you all -NOW GET BACK TO GRAVITY FALLS! :D_**

_Dipper whirled around to face the gorgeous redhead._

"H-huh?" he replied inanely, holding the CD behind his back.

"Stan was grumbling about Pitt soda and firing someone," Wendy shrugged. "Weird."

"Yeah, definitely," agreed Dipper.

"Hey, have you seen Mabel?" Wendy asked, taking a step further into the kitchen; a step toward Dipper.

Dipper's heart began to beat faster. He took a step back, conscious of the incriminating item in his hand.

"No," he replied, "but I heard her going to play with Soos." He was desperately trying to keep his voice from cracking. He cleared his throat as he added, "Want me to go find her?"

"Oh…" Wendy said, undecided, her eyes winging around the room. They landed on the laptop and she decided. "No need, my man!"

Dipper gulped and tugged on his shirt collar. Wendy made a beeline for the laptop. She pressed the disc-drive eject button. It slid out toward her, empty. She blew a strand of hair out of her face as she exhaled in disappointment.

"Aw, man," she moaned. "I was hoping her Nancy Drew game was in there. Do you know where it is, Dipper?"

"Uhh…"

"Mabel was going to let me borrow it."

"Huh? Oh, yeah! Here, she told me to give it to you," Dipper fibbed, proffering the CD with a flourish and a crooked smile.

"Ah, thanks man! I wondered what you were hiding behind your back," Wendy laughed, lightly punching his arm.

Dipper tried not to wince with embarrassment. Instead he laughed awkwardly.

"So…are you going to play that today? I ask casually?" Dipper inquired; any way but casually.

"Of course!" Wendy beamed. "Oh, I'll get the disc back to Mabel right away –luckily you only need it for the download. Technology these days! Sometimes I understand why Tambry gets obsessed with her phone," she marveled.

_Great, _thought Dipper. _Wendy's smart and she'll definitely finish before me. Which means I'll probably get the old 'It was so-and-so, but don't tell Mabel if she hasn't finished yet, of course,' spoiler._ Because Dipper was also pretty sure Wendy'd finish before Mabel.

One, because Mabel cared about the suspects and enjoyed conversing with them more than solving the actual mystery. Literally, she would click on a guy ten times even if they had nothing to say but 'scram, Nancy Drew!' Which, of course, throws off Mabel's happy chart, which Mabel then tries to fix, but Nancy Drew nor the digital world she inhabits is programmed with a happy chart. So that's just a time consuming bummer.

Two, Wendy would be apt to get online spoilers for every puzzle, whereas Mabel thinks it's cheating. Unless you've sincerely tried for five minutes. Because five minutes is too long for anyone to be stuck on a puzzle. But Wendy liked to play by the five _second_ rule.

Long story short, Dipper now found himself racing against _two_ clocks.

"I was thinking of slacking during work to play it," Wendy continued, "but I guess we have a lot of customers of something today, so, I'll actually have to make eye contact and use the register. Freaky."

"Oh, totally!" Dipper sympathized. "Is there even money in there? Or just Stan-bucks?"

"Dude, I personally haven't opened it in so long, I have no idea," Wendy smirked.

Dipper laughed. Wendy was the best slacker he knew. But boy, when she found her purpose, did she _rule_ at it, Dipper thought dreamily, remembering her epic skills in the bunker.

"Dipper?"

"Huh?"

"I said, do you wanna come over tonight and play Nancy Drew? You know, instead of movie night with Gravity Falls' stupid movie channel? Duck-tective is on hiatus again, so it's a rerun of _Wolfman Chudley and the Dancing Chili Peppers_. Like, movie channel dudes, get a clue, no one wants to see that! So, yeah, is that cool with you, Dip?"

Dipper looked like a deer in the headlights.

Wendy had invited him to play Nancy Drew!

Perfect –_double _perfect –right?

_It's a girl's game,_ Grunkle Stan's voice echoed in his mind.

"Sure!" Dipper choked out.

"Great! See you tonight!" smiled Wendy, heading back to the giftshop.

**Well, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I love Dipper/Wendy interaction! It was fun to write -I hope I can get better at it (especially considering there's more in the next installment!). Reviews are much appreciated! As well as suggestions -this story is really just off the cuff -so...if you give me an idea, it will probably make it in. ;) (that's right, SPELLCASTER, -you're going to enjoy the next chapter, I think! ;D ) See you guys later! Wunder-Katze OUT! :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hi! You know, I feel really bad about not posting a chapter for this all summer, and since school's starting and I might not post for awhile again, have a second chapter now. You deserve it. I literally just finished writing this. Hope there's not too many typos. Oh! And...I don't want to re-rate my story to T, but I think this chapter is a bit..scarier... I mean, maybe? Yeah, so, don't sue me if you wet your pants in fear -I warned you. X)**

"Oh, man, this is _awesome_!" Dipper said as he and Wendy prepared to summon the ghost.

He had just solved a rather difficult puzzle, and Wendy's praise still had him floating on cloud nine.

"Dude, I know! This is _creepy_ –and that's saying something considering what _we've_ seen!" Wendy said, cautiously clicking the mouse.

She and Dipper were sitting on her bed, lights off, munching on popcorn, and scaring themselves silly. For once, they were secretly grateful that Wendy's dad made such a racket as he tromped through the house or yelled at the Corduroy brothers –it brought them back to real world, reminding them, _This is just a game this time. Not like the convenient store incident. This ghost is fake._

Wendy clicked the mouse again, selecting the correct dialogue for Nancy Drew.

"Fire so Red, Night so Black…" the digital detective began.

Dipper and Wendy finished with her: "Dear sweet Charlotte, please come back!"

But before Nancy could finish with them the screen went dark.

"Oh, no! Dipper, when did we save last?" Wendy cried, frantically pushing the power button. "I swear this thing was fully charged! I swear if we have to redo that puzzle I'll…I'll….AAARRRGH!"

"I think we saved recently," Dipper said, accidentally knocking the bowl of popcorn to the floor in the dark.

"Oh, good, we won't have to redo that puzzle!" Wendy sighed, slapping the laptop with the last of her frustration.

Suddenly the laptop booted back up. It took them straight back to where they had been –about to summon the ghost, but Nancy began to talk without being clicked and told to do so, and her voice sounded strange…mechanic and…familiar…and…

"Fire so Red! Night so black! Hello, Pinetree! BILL IS BAAAAAAAAACK!"

Wendy and Dipper screamed as the laptop shorted out again, sparks singeing the bedspread. A one-eyed triangle with a top hat was floating in front of them.

"WHO THE HECK ARE YOU? GET OUT OF MY ROOM!" Wendy shrieked.

"Yeah, Bill! Beat it!" Dipper said, his voice quavering. He coughed and tried again. "Get out of here, Bill. I'm never doing a deal with you _again!_"

Bill laughed manically.

"That's what they all say, Pinetree, but I'm going to make you a offer you can't refuse," said the triangle, floating around the room.

Bill turned on Wendy's lava lamp, vacuumed up the spilled popcorn from the floor into another dimension, and turned the TV on to _Wolfman Chudley and the Dancing Chili Peppers._

"Ha! Ha! Ha!" he laughed at the silly show. "Those haunted chili peppers got style –look at them running after Chudley with kitchen knives. That's what I call revenge!"

"Dude, Chudley's a freaking _werewolf,_ they can't kill him with kitchen knives; just seriously maim or injure him," Wendy said smartly, despite her fear. She had learned to just roll with stuff. If this weirdo triangle man wanted discuss television, Wendy could discuss television. Watching television instead of working was her specialty, after all.

"Maybe not, but I bet I could kill _you_ with kitchen knives!" Bill replied, summoning several shining blades.

Wendy's fear nearly overtook her again. Apparently this triangle man did not really want to discuss television shows. He was a homicidal maniac. Wendy reached for Dipper's hand. Dipper would have blushed if he hadn't already blanched white with terror.

"What do we do?" Wendy whispered to him from the corner of her mouth.

Dipper gulped, squeezed her hand, and turned to Bill.

"What do you want?" he asked the triangle.

"I want your journal, kid, that's all," Bill said, shrugging nonchalantly. The knives still floated behind him like an awaiting army.

"What? NO WAY!" Dipper exclaimed.

"Have it your way," Bill said, blinking his one eye. He snapped his fingers and the knives pinned Dipper and Wendy to Wendy's bedroom wall.

Dipper could feel the cold metal next to his skin. A millimeter more and he would have been bleeding. Dipper was almost impressed by Bill's precision, and very thankful for it. But Bill _could_ dice him to pieces like a chili pepper if he wanted to, Dipper had no doubt. A millimeter more was all it would take for the knife to be boring into his flesh… into Wendy's flesh...

Dipper and Wendy screamed as they dangled from the wall. Bill just turned up the volume on the TV to muffle their cries. Somewhere –probably from the kitchen –Wendy's dad yelled at them to turn down the volume, and then he went back to yelling at one of the brothers. Help was not coming. Bill laughed again.

"Ha! Ha! Ha! Stupid humans. You know nothing of your world, much less other dimensions. Not like me. I know about them -_all_ about them! I know about POWER. YOU KNOW NOTHING OF POWER! AND MY POWER WILL BECOME INSURMOUNTABLE WITH ALL OF THE JOURNALS IN MY POSSESSION. STUPID FORD, PUTTING ALL OF HIS KNOWLEDGE INTO WRITING."

By now Bill had expanded to fill the room with presence, glowing red, his voice deep. Then with a pop he was back to his yellow, nacho sized self.

"Listen, Pinetree, a deal's a deal. I know you really like that book of yours, so, I'll give you something in return."

"_I don't want anything from you!_" Dipper shouted.

"Really? Unwise, Pinetree. I thought the life of your sister would mean more to you than that…"

**AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! Are you totally scared? **

**...**

**...**

**No? Well, did you enjoy the chapter, at least? Review and let me know! What do YOU think should happen next?**

**Until next time, Wunder-Katze out! :)**

**P.S. Hey, SPELLCASTER! -I used your "Bill with knives" suggestion! Sorry he isn't chasing them around the Shack, but, eh...this is pretty close, right? XD Thanks for the suggestion! **


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